I think I died a long time ago.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
