Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
