There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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