3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
