My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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