grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
