he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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