There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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