im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
