im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
