She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
