If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
