Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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