Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
