Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
