We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We need to get me chipped asap
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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