We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
