Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize