So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
