Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
