How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
bring money and cleavage
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
