my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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