I think i peed on brittanys purse
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
