'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You made out with two different species that night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I supernannyed him into submission
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
