guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's like iHOP with fire
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
