PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
