I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
