Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
