So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
