You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
