well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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