I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my being single is dangerous.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
