You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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