Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
