So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
