At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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