Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
