You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I love you.
Bad choice
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
