His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
