there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
