I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
