There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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