I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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