Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
