and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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