Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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