She is in my trunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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