Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
