i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
