worst night to have a conscience
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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