i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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