Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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