You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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