Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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