She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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