He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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