WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
