I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
