weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
