i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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