Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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