so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
