Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
