I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So squirting runs in the family.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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