Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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