i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
