i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
