so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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