I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
