dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
