Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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