i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
