I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
