So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
