Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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